Tag: jobs

Tougher than life

Dream team

Months ago, I wrote a post about my complicated love life. Since the beginning of my relationship, there have been more naysayers and self-proclaimed “realists” than cheerleaders or supporters. Although it’s been hard hearing people doubt the longevity of my relationship with my husband-to-be, I’ve never had any doubts myself. (As they say, when you know, you know!) The biggest hurdle we’ve had to deal with as a couple is remaining a team while separated by 4,000+ miles and that pesky ocean. Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. Nevertheless, we’ve made it this far and plan to close the gap as soon as the visa paperwork clears. Whenever that may be…

I have faced many obstacles in my short life. I’ve made plans and sat back and watched them crumble before my eyes. But I believe my perseverance (and possibly stubbornness) keeps me moving forward toward my goals. With that said, these last few months have been some of the hardest I’ve ever faced, and they have certainly tested my strength.

My fiancé, James, recently lost his job that he loved so much, which had been the main reason for our decision for me to move to London to join him. It happened unexpectedly and suddenly, and not only put him face-to-face with unemployment for the first time in his adult life, but it also single-handedly halted the entire visa application process. You see, he sort of needs an income to prove he can sponsor me for the visa. Saying, “hey, we’re married!” isn’t actually enough, apparently. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t blame the company he worked for because outsourcing James’ job seemed to be the best option in their eyes. But at the same time, I feel like the timing and completely out-of-left-field nature of the situation makes me also feel like we were personally, maliciously attacked. Logically, I know it’s “just business,” but this seemingly small incident threw all of our plans back up in the air. Back to square one, we say. There was an end in sight to the long distance as soon as we said our I dos, and then the rug got ripped out from under us. Can you imagine how it feels knowing that after we have our wedding, we still won’t know when we can live with each other or where that will be? That’s not a typical stress in a normal relationship! Most couples can just pick up and move without thinking twice. But we can’t… until we have the paperwork that says we can – legally.

On top of that unpleasant surprise, there’s a larger, more worrisome issue on our hands. James broke his foot when he was in military college years ago. After a misdiagnosis by the UK’s healthcare system, James’ foot condition worsened. He was constantly breaking the same foot or feeling excruciating pain even if the bone wasn’t broken. I’ve watched him suddenly buckle over in severe pain, tears welling up in his eyes, unable to speak for no understandable reason. He has logged more hours at the hospital in the last year than you probably have in your entire life. And I’ve never been able to be there in person for him. Nearly half of our relationship, James has been on crutches or wearing a cast, unable to move around like an average human being. He used to be a marathon runner, and now he has to stop and take breaks when the pain gets to be too intense. Specialists have examined his foot so many times we’ve lost count, and I’m sure all of the area doctors know his case by heart simply due to the amount of times he’s had to call and leave messages asking for a different kind of pain medicine because whatever they gave him this time wasn’t helping. He’s ingested so many terrifyingly strong pain medications and narcotics that I worry about the state of his organs and the tolerance his body has built up. After countless MRIs and X-rays, doctors believe he has Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) and Allodynia. He’s had several surgeries, including one a few months ago to kill a nerve in his foot to stop all feeling whatsoever. We pushed for the surgery because he wasn’t responding to pain management medications, and also because I really wanted to dance with my husband at our wedding in February. The surgery worked and he was walking around normally and we allowed ourselves to celebrate and get excited to dance at our wedding…  And then the chronic, crippling pain was back within a month or two and our hearts were broken. That phone call with James was probably the worst, most painful conversation I’ve ever had in my life. The doctor had told James he could run again in as little as three years, and now the boot is back on and the crutches are always at the ready. We thought we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We were excited! And yet again, we were let down. Now, doctors see that two bones in James’ foot have fused together and need to be surgically separated. Until then, he will repeatedly break his foot because of the added pressure the fused bones place on his foot. However, his hypersensitivity and CRPS make it too risky to pursue this surgery until doctors can figure out a way to manage the pain. And although most Americans don’t understand this because we don’t have healthcare like the UK does, the wait time for James to see someone at the pain management clinic is, AT THE EARLIEST, 3 months from now (thanks, universal healthcare). So not only do I have to helplessly sit here in America while my other half is in agonizing pain every single day (physically and emotionally), I also have to stomach the notion that James may never find relief – or worse – it may worsen or spread to other parts of his body. I do the best that I can to be supportive and positive because scary health situations like this are best combatted by a strong, optimistic team. But it takes nearly all my strength not to break down myself, and I’m not the one dealing with the physical pain. I selfishly had this image of James and I dancing with big goofy grins on our faces to our song in 10 weeks, and now I’m trying to figure out a way to dress up his crutches to match the venue decor.

While there’s nothing we can do at this moment except stay positive and hopeful, it’s still hard to deal with. Even though James no longer holds the job that kept him in London away from me, he still has to stay in London now in order to remain with the doctors who have been working closely with him. Why doesn’t he come to America, you say? It’s been discussed, but American healthcare is astronomically expensive, which is an obstacle we simply can’t get around financially. And even if we could, it takes a minimum of a year for a non-US citizen to have their visa application accepted in order for James to remain here with me.

It has been an incredibly tough year for James and me. We have faced so much adversity, and sometimes it feels like it’ll never end. But I have to keep the faith because James deserves the best in this world, and if I can’t fix these problems, I can at least give him my best.

I chose to write this post because I think it’s important for everyone to remember that we are all fighting our own battles even if others can’t see them. We should not judge or criticize others for things we do not understand, and we should always hope for the best for people no matter what. I know our situation could be much worse, but for now, this feels earth-shattering. So please be kind to one another and help each other out. Even if it’s just listening when someone needs to vent or offering a hug to help someone de-stress – almost any little thing can help. Trust me, I can attest to that! James will be pain-free some day soon and we’ll get to live in the same place because that’s the only future either of us will accept. We’ll get there because we want to. In the meantime, we’ve got the power of positivity on our side and an absolute unwillingness to give up. And one day, at our vow renewal, James and I will dance without reservation!

When the world starts falling apart around you, all you can do is start picking up the pieces and putting them back in an order you can understand. And that’s what we’re trying to do.

To infinity and beyond!

Correcting tunnel vision

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Perhaps this is going to sound hypocritical, but not many people can do what I’ve done and be humble about it. I’ve worked my butt off for so very long to achieve what I have, and I’m satisfied. This feeling, right now, is exactly what I hoped I would feel.

– June 1, 2013

It’s easier than you think to lose sight of the important things in life. When I graduated college, I wrote a blog detailing how I felt about my life leading up to that day and what I hoped would be in my future and posted it on Facebook. Only four people liked it and two bothered to comment, but I was still glad I wrote it because it was true to how I felt and I knew I wouldn’t want to forget that feeling. Seven months later, I forgot that feeling until I went to the movies tonight and saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I walked out of that theater feeling completely jazzed about life, about possibilities and about truly making the most of the days I have left on this earth. It forced me to take a hard look at how I’ve been thinking these last few months and how I need to get back on track.

The job market hasn’t been kind to me lately. I’ve made this blatantly obvious, but I’ve also been kicking up a lot of dirt just because I thought it would make me feel better. Although it may help a little, it hasn’t changed my situation.. so I know that means I need to change my attitude. I don’t have the full time job in my field that I wanted right now, but I do have a job. That’s more than some people, and I should really quit griping about it. See? A positive from a negative. The societal pressure to go to college and get a job in your degree of study immediately upon graduation is incredibly intense and, in my opinion, a very skillfully created brainwashing technique to churn out a workforce rapidly. I think college was a good choice for me because I truly enjoy learning, but I know plenty of people who didn’t go to college and are sitting much prettier than I am at the moment! The point is, a lot of us allow this grand plan to get in the way of our own desires and I think that’s why we stray and stress so much. Yes, I want a job, but not at the expense of my psyche, my health or my happiness. I can still be proud of who I am and what I’ve done instead of sulkily skimming through online job applications and shamefully hiding away from inquiring minds. I have not fallen from grace because I don’t have a full time job in communications. Furthermore, I (and so many others) need to stop beating ourselves up for not knowing exactly what we want to do in life. It’s okay not to have a steadfast plan, and feeling uncomfortable means you’re growing.

…But I simply can’t predict how I will feel once I step outside this comfort zone, so the only thing I can do is just.. leap. It’s not a plan and that’s scary, but it’s also liberating.

Confucius said, “it does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” I’ve never considered myself to be foolish and certainly not a quitter. My end goal is still to find a job I can enjoy more than the one I’m working at now, but I think I need to stop making myself feel guilty because I’m not where I thought I would be. There are plenty of other things that happened in the last year that I didn’t plan for, but they’ve gloriously changed my life for the better. Yes, I still feel like I need help finding the job that’s right for me, but I need to quit obsessing over it. I’ve had a lot of opportunities fall into my lap at a very young age, and this is the first time I’ve had to work so hard to achieve a goal. But you know what? Perseverance is good for us! So while it’s important to remember what it is exactly that we’re looking for and what we want out of life in the grand scheme of things, it’s also important to live in the now and appreciate the little things. For example, I can move anywhere in the world because I have nothing tying me here, I can spend days in a row with friends or family members because I’m fortunate enough to have time off frequently and I can stick to what I want… or change my mind whenever I feel like it! So what do YOU want?

I want to keep learning. Not from books or computers, but from life, people and through experiences. I want excitement and freedom and to always find joy in the simple things. And most importantly, I want to continue to enjoy what I do no matter how long I’m doing it for.

Maybe these aren’t the best conditions or requirements for a specific job. In fact, they’re incredibly broad and vague and I doubt any employer would snatch me up if I said these were the things I was looking for in a job. 14-year-old Tanya would be so disappointed in me now for changing the plan. But the truth is, having a plan may be responsible.. but straying from the plan and going after what will make you feel best is the most fulfilling. I don’t want to follow the rules or the expectations that others have set for me because that’s not what will make my life fulfilling. So although I don’t yet have that “perfect” job I hoped I would be working by now, I know I’m going to get there. And when I do, it won’t even feel like work.

So until then, I’m going to follow my heart and continue to learn from experience. And even though I’m still scared out of my wits and worried about where this will all take me, I’m confident that I’m going where I need to go and those who matter will be with me and support me throughout the journey.

This moment is the best moment. You can go anywhere, be anything and do anything you want. The choices are daunting and sometimes worrisome, but there’s one beautiful loophole: if you don’t like where your path has taken you, you can choose a different route just as easily.

New angles

nyhab

Rejection emails are the worst. Especially the vague, standard, sometimes automated emails that simply add to the suspicion that even if you are truly enthusiastic and well equipped for a job, you don’t matter unless you can prove it on paper. Passion is an asset that employers should seek out, but it appears that more and more companies have values elsewhere. I applied for an entry-level social media position at New York Habitat because I felt passionately about the work the company does, I knew it was a job I would enjoy and I wholeheartedly felt I possessed all of the qualities – both in my personality and my knowledge within the field of work – to perform well and quite frankly, make improvements. The millennial  generation is one that is not only eager to learn and make their mark in this world, but has also grown up learning to use improving technology to their advantage. Many current job listings in marketing, for example, are advertising positions that seek 5+ years experience in digital marketing when digital marketing only just became an effective form of marketing within the last few years. Therefore, how can companies use an experience level like this as a prerequisite when it’s literally impossible to possess? It makes more sense to hire some hot-shot recent graduate who has been effectively using digital marketing nonstop for the last few years, who is constantly looking for new ideas and better ways to make an impact because that’s exactly what they’ve known to do throughout their young lives. Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe a middle-aged individual who learned marketing in the 80s deserves the position. I’m not saying recent graduates should always prevail when it comes to new hires, but in certain fields, it makes sense. What do you think?

I’ve read a whole bunch of articles and blogs that give advice to recent graduates about how to snag a job. I’ve read them, I’ve nodded and agreed that I possess the main qualities employers look for, and yet here I still sit– skimming through automated rejection emails with no way to find out why my application didn’t meet the company’s “needs.” As mentioned in my previous blog, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show that I deserve a job in my field that I can enjoy. Within 24 hours of posting, “What works,” more than 240 individuals across the globe read my blog. Not only that, but people I don’t even know personally were sharing the link on social media, reaching out to the company I wanted to work for and telling them that I deserved an interview. Not only is that humbling, but the fact that these people were basing this belief merely on the fact that they could see my unique passion via blog post surely must mean a lot, right? So here’s my question: What am I doing wrong?

I’m aware that the job market sucks for recent graduates. Nevertheless, I don’t want to use this as an excuse for why I can’t seem to get a job doing something I’m qualified for and can honestly enjoy. If it’s something that is going to dominate the majority of our waking lives, we shouldn’t compromise for it. Simple as that.

Since my first unique attempt at getting an employer’s attention didn’t go to plan, I’m going to augment it a tad. So here is my open cover letter to any employer or recruiter looking for a new hire, or for any individual who wishes to aid in my job search. Feel free to share this blog with social media – Tweet, Facebook, share on LinkedIn or Google+, pin on Pintrest – whatever! Operation Find Tanya A Job has broadened its goal and I need YOUR help! Tell the world I want to work and that recent graduates deserve a fair shot! If you have any helpful advice or critiques, shoot me an email at tparker259@yahoo.com. Here’s what I’ve been up to for the last few years (TanyaParkerResumeOH), and here’s my no-nonsense general cover letter (TanyaParkerCL). Pass it on!

Social media sparks a revelation that we, the people, have a voice, and through the democratization of content and ideas we can once again unite around common passions, inspire movements, and ignite change.