Tag: feminism

Women vs the world.

working

A woman’s place is everywhere.

I’ve been debating whether or not to blog about this subject for quite some time now. I’ve found that if I voice my opinion on the matter, I get a lot of backlash, including from close friends and family. But I decided that’s not a good enough reason to stop myself from using my voice. Especially considering I find that blogging serves as a sort of personal therapy as well. To those who may disagree with my opinion: I respect you. However, it remains my opinion built up through my personal experiences.

So here we go!

I’ve almost chalked up two whole years at my current media job. I started out loving it and feeling very proud of my early success in the field, having nabbed the position shortly after graduating college and in a highly competitive, larger market. But the longer I’ve been here, the more certain negative aspects of the job really stand out. The worst of it all? Sexism and ageism in news media.

College professors warned me and other female classmates of sexism in the journalism field. It is no secret that women are held to a much different standard on-camera. After all, we have more outfit choices than a man’s suit-and-tie go-to, so with that alone, we open the floodgates to physical appearance criticism. I knew this going into the field, but I still find it incredibly hard to stomach. However, I’ve thankfully never had to worry about this because I chose an off-camera career path in the media industry. That should instantly eliminate the worst of sexism for me, right? Well, not exactly.

I am one of 5 or less women news photographers employed in my city. And by that, I mean the women who lug around video cameras and tripods to shoot news stories for local TV stations. (Let me be clear: there are some female multimedia journalists, or one-woman bands, but their job has much different expectations than mine. So I’m not counting those individuals in this explanation.) This means, on any given day that I’m sent out with my video camera and tripod, it’s very likely that I’m the only female camera woman in the field that day. Let that sink in for a moment. Out of the four news stations in my area, there are less than 5 women doing what I do.  I have yet to meet another female news photographer from a different station on an assignment. Ever. I’ve only ever worked side-by-side with men, typically aged 35 or older. And as I’ve found out, these men don’t see me – a woman – as their equal. They don’t say it in as many words, so much as strongly imply it as such. However, I think several other factors weigh heavily into their opinion that I’m not as equipped to do their job as a man: my young age + my petite frame.

So with a one-two-three punch, my gender, age and size chalk me up to an inadequate news photographer in many’s eyes. Some of it I can find understanding, though. I can see how experienced photographers view me as less experienced, because in working years, that’s simply a fact. I haven’t been working in the field as long, so I’m sure there’s lots for me to learn. In other words, my young age may be seen as lack of experience. Fine. And my size? Yes, I’m incredibly petite. And it truly does get difficult lugging around a video camera and tripod that are literally as big as I am. I can see how it could be easier to do my job if I were a big, burly, strong man. And finally, I understand that many moons ago, times were different and women would never be in a job like the one I hold now. And I totally understand that some of my male counterparts at these news stations were working during that time, thus my presence now alongside them serves as a shock and something to get used to. I say these things to show that I try to understand where the criticism is coming from before I let it get to me. I’m not closed-minded, I swear! But my patience wanes when the commentary from these men are said like this: “They sent YOU out to a scene like this?” “You need a big, strong man to help you carry those things!” “Are you old enough to be working?” I am not exaggerating when I say I hear these things, along with many other condescending variations, every single day from men doing the same job as I am, to complete strangers who approach me in the field. Especially considering the fact that I’ve always been hyper aware that I’m unlike most people that hold the same job. I don’t need some stranger pointing it out in the rudest way possible on a daily basis, you know? It’s simply unnecessary and not nice at all! I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate someone saying these things to them either, would they? And I won’t even get into the catcalling and inappropriate advances I get sometimes. That’s an entirely separate blog post on its own! But let’s get one thing straight: I chose this job. So don’t pity me or view me as unfortunate.

When I complain to family and friends, they often ask why I don’t say anything to defend myself. Well, I sort of do. I try and make the exchange into a laughing matter, spitting back with a joke of “oh, yeah! I get a workout every day!” or something along those lines in order to cut the conversation short or make it a non-conversation at all. The problem is, I can’t be rude back. Partly because it’s not in my nature if I don’t know the person, and partly because I need to be a professional when I’m on the job. So despite being surrounded by jerks whose parents didn’t teach them to keep their mouths shut when they don’t have anything nice to say, I can’t let it noticeably get to me because it inhibits my job. When I’m on assignment, I need to get the video I need as quickly as possible, so I don’t have the luxury of getting into a heated debate about why I think I’m capable of performing just as well at my job as a young, petite female. All I can do is fake laugh, get what I need, and make disgusted, annoyed faces or mouth rude words as I walk back to my car. My only concern is excelling at my job, so that remains my number one priority. But the comments stay with me, even long after my work day is done. And that’s the part that bothers me.

Not only do men news photographers in my area not view me as an equal, but complete strangers are constantly coming up to me saying asinine things. No, I’m not an intern. Yes, I can carry all of this equipment all by myself. Yes, a pretty little face like mine actually does prefer to work off-camera. It’s the constant barrage that gets tiring and ruins the job for me. While I understand that with all things, there will be a level of criticism we must endure, I don’t believe that the amount I receive as a professional in my field is on the same level as most of my coworkers. That’s what makes it difficult: having to accept that while this isn’t the norm for most, it is for me. Simply because I’m different.

So let this blog serve as a polite request to kindly keep your criticism to yourself if it in no way helps an individual. My skin is thick enough already, so it needn’t any more. And to those of you young women looking for a career in the news media industry, know this: sexism and ageism is a very real, daily occurrence. And the only way to combat it is to keep encouraging more young women to jump in with us and grow in masses. I’m only one voice, but I know I’m not the only one fighting this. And to all you men (and some women) out there who think I’m incapable of doing my job as well as a man, well tough. Because you know what? I am doing it. And I’m really damn good at it.

Size stigmas

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Women obsess over size. Weight, height – what have you – it’s like we’ve been conditioned to demand this unobtainable idea of size perfection the split second we’re born. And while there appears to be this gung-ho feminist/girl power movement cropping up all over the world with cheers of acceptance to those who don’t “meet” society’s idea of “attractive size,” I’m sitting over here thinking.. well, wait a minute. This is all fine and dandy, but what about girls like me? Dove’s “Love Your Body” campaign sounds inspirational and empowering, but it seems hyper-focused on the idea that there is such a thing as too skinny, and if you fall under that category, there’s something wrong with you. Real women have curves, right? Actress Sophia Bush struck up a campaign declaring that “zero is not a size” a few years ago too. And while I sit here, staring at a pile of jeans with tags that read “0,” I’m feeling rather insulted. Women are encouraged to accept their curves and rejoice over them because being rail thin is unhealthy. While in some cases, I can fully stand behind this idea (thinness caused or brought on by eating disorders or self-inflicted harm is obviously not good), those of us healthy women who are naturally petite shouldn’t feel so scrutinized! Why are “plus sized” women getting high fives while petite women are getting concerned looks?

I have always been petite. My family jokes that I was the runt of the litter, but it’s quite honestly accurate. I stand 5’2″ and hover between 90 and 100 pounds. My entire life, I’ve always had people make jokes about my size, pick me up against my will just to see how light I was, analyze my meals, hold things up high so I couldn’t reach them.. childish things that they may have thought were funny, but 20 some years later, the jokes get old. I’d even argue that I am made fun of for my size more often than someone who may be overweight. Why? Because it’s less likely for someone to feel brave enough to pick on an adult because they are overweight than to pick on someone who’s tiny. It can’t be insulting if you’re not calling them fat, right? Wrong. And it’s not only peers who chime in. I avoid seeing doctors as often as possible partly because I know they’ll accuse me of having an eating disorder. I do not have a disorder, but when people point out my perceived deficiencies, I’ll admit that it’s hard not to dwell on them. I recently started a new job that requires lifting and traveling with fairly heavy camera equipment. It never fails that on any given day, someone, whether it be a coworker or stranger who sees me on the street, makes a comment about how it looks like I’m struggling and laughs. Usually, I’m not struggling in the slightest because I’ve learned how to adjust with my small body. I believe, for my size, that I’m strong. But if you compare me to an average woman my age, you’re setting me up to fail. I am not average, and on most days, I’m happy about that. But not always.

Certain things in life are harder to handle when you’re “abnormally” small. For instance, shopping instantly becomes a nightmare. Trying on clothes that overwhelm my small figure is a blow to my ego. There are certain articles of clothing that I’ve simply had to give up on because there’s no way I can ever wear something like that unless I get it custom made. Wearing heels draws attention to my very thin legs. Wearing short sleeves exposes my scarily thin arms. Midriff-bearing tops direct all eyes to my very profound ribcage. My every outfit decision is based around the question, “do I look like an adult?” because I am so often teased for looking much younger than I am and I want it to stop. Bathing suits are a topic I can’t even delve into. I’m paranoid when I go out drinking with friends because I worry that I’ll be accused of underage drinking even with two forms of ID. I avoid eating in front of other people as much as possible because I worry they are judging not only what I’m eating, but how much I wind up eating. This makes going out to eat with friends much more stressful than it should be. I can’t reach a lot of things that most average-sized women can reach. I’ve walked away from many things that I wanted simply because I couldn’t reach it on my own and I was too embarrassed to ask for help. And while many things are merely inconveniences, a fair portion of the problems associated with my size are the mental blows to my psyche thanks to the negative stigma attached to small size.

Recently, I’ve been trying to shop for a wedding dress. While most girls get over-the-moon excited for this process, I was honestly dreading it. Most wedding dress designers don’t make gowns that would comfortably fit my frame. It’s a fair estimate to say that the smallest available size tends to be a size 2. You slip that on my body, and I’ll be swimming in it! And while I understand the fact that every gown is altered to fit the bride, tailoring costs extra the more you need done. And I’d need a lot of work! But I told myself to ignore the fact that every dress I try on will be gigantic and to envision how the final product will look. Now, if you’ve never tried to do this, let me tell you one thing: it’s really freaking hard to do. Especially when the majority of the gown is smushed up and pulled back and completely distorted from its original silhouette. It’s not easy to convince yourself that you look beautiful when you feel like your body is corrupting the whole image.

So my point is this: although I’m all for empowering women, I think we need to focus more on individuality rather than targeting certain groups and trying to lift them up over others. Acceptance, above all else, should be the focus. Plus sized women shouldn’t be cheered on if it means stomping on thin girls in the process. We need to support one another to encourage mentally and physically healthy women. And we also need to learn to accept ourselves. I have good days and I also have days where I could use encouragement. I’ve learned to put the perks of being petite above the pitfalls. And overall, I wouldn’t change who I am or how I am, but it’d be nice to feel like my size doesn’t immediately stigmatize me in society. That would be a movement I can get behind.

Once you accept your “flaws,” no one can use them against you.